i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
