Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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