I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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