I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
