So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
