just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
