No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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