you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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