Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
