I'm eating all of the evidence.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
