My room smells like vodka and shame
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
