I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
