i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
