Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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