Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
