just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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