just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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