I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
