My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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