my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
