You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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