my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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