Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
