wat bout pragnant strippers??
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
