Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
