just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
