I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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