i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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