the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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