I hate your face
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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