Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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