i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
