I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
accomplished twins. life is a go
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
