Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
