So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
