love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
