Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
