she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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