they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
