I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
