youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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