Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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