Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
