She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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