Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
