A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
