i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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