My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
