If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
