1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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