Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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