Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
