saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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